For the first time in a long while I recieved a message from an old friend from back in Poland - Wojtek. Now, as I'm going through his and some other friends's profiles I just feel like crying. I feel crappy and exhausted and in need of real friends.
I don't have any real friends. Not really. I mean, I have the usual group of people I hang out with sometimes, but it's just a temporary friendship in my eyes. After I leave for University in a year and a half, will we really stay friends? Honestly, I doubt it. For so many years I have moved and switches schools. There is no one really that I've kept contact with. It's not like I tried - I did, but finally, I just gave up I guess. I realized how long-distance friendships are not possible, same as long-distance relationships.
Hence this is why I have more "friends" I've met over the internet than here where I live. And no, I am not overaxagerating. I don't feel like my friends here know me at all, and neither do I know them. Sure, I have fun with them occasionaly, but it's not that type of bond you would share with your long time best friend.
As I look at these pictures of Wojtek and all the others, I just can't help wanting the same, yet knowing it will not be possible until I finally get myself somewhere stable where I will not move away from after a few years. It kills me slowly.
Because of this constant moving I've become very anti-social and lonely. I can't really just go up to anyone and hang out with them. It takes me time just to get used to a person. Only after a few months would I really start to open up. This year I hoped it would be different. I changed a bit, at the start of the year. A new student came and I was friendly; talkative. That didn't last long. About a month or even more ago I came back to my old self, closing up on everyone technically.
People say they want to travel a lot, huh? Move around? They hate being stuck in the same place their whole life? You know, I'd change places with them at any point. At least they have the stability, they have their friends they've known all their lives. Moving constantly every few years and finally when you end up being best friends with someone, BAM! You move; you leave. It's neither fun or helpful, and I don't even give a damn about the good sides of moving.
I would rather know either Polish and live in Poland all my life or know Polish and French and live in Belgium all my life (I preferre the second option).
Just be happy with where you are. Be happy you have someone you can call a best friend or even a good friend. I can't really call anyone like that except my older sister (who will be gone for University by September. I don't know how I will survive without her.)